He walked away sad

Some time ago; a couple of years now I went to a prayer meeting. The way that I was taught to come to a prayer meeting was not to show up with your faith pumped and your mind set on what you want to get but to show up as a seeker and to arrive seeking the face and not the hands of God.

Lord, please speak to me today. I am at your feet and I am listening. I am going to quiet myself and pursue to know your heart. You were right when you said that Martha chose what was better. Seek first the kingdom of God.

This is not to say that we are to seek assistance, help, health, prosperity and on and on but to do it in an order that honors God and to wait.

I was at a meeting a couple of years ago and sat down. I had been trying and finding it very hard to get my eating under control; my relationship with food is very much an addiction. I found freedom from cigarettes and cocaine but freedom from food? You have to eat.

I had sat down in the front row and was there for all of a minute when a picture if me being set in front of a mountain appeared in my head. I was at the bottom and was told to go to the top. I felt completely overwhelmed and sat there sad. I decided that because I participate in these meeting that I could not really participate in this one because of my state so I got up at the two minute mark, walked to the back row and sat down to think about my task for the next 90 minutes. The scripture that came with the picture was from Jeremiah 12:5 “If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?"

I spent the next few months trying to figure out how to get my weight under control. I experimented with different diets and then a program and then another before I finally found something that worked for me.

As you climb the mountain that you are set in front of you will find that there may be a path but there undoubtedly will be parts where there is no path and there is loose soil and branches that look sturdier than they really are. You will get scuffed and get hurt but climb you must.

I think of Moses being called to the top of the mountain. He had no path but up he went. He slept in the open and without shelter. He went up until he met with God; not because he caught up with God but because God came down to meet someone who he decided that he would put in the effort to meet with Him. You cannot catch up with God but can only qualify to whatever standard that God assigns to you.

There was a man who met with Jesus and the man really wanted more of the kingdom.

Jesus said for him to go and sell all that he had and give it to the poor then come and follow him.

The man went away sad.

For 30 years I assumed that the man decided that the price was too high.

I hope that he went and sold all that he had and gave it to the poor and then followed Jesus.

It's ok if you feel sadness when God tells you the price. He told all of us to take up our cross and follow him; that isn't anything to get giddy about and dance a dance.

Jesus seemed quite sorrowful and distressed in the garden but in the end followed what the instruction was and gave Himself.

I felt sad and overwhelmed because I had lots of food and I really enjoyed it. I didn't even mind being fat but God has a problem with gluttony and he put his finger right on it. The rich young ruler had a problem with greed or security or whatever those possessions gave him. God had a problem with that and wanted the man free and of use.

I went away sad but now I follow closer, I trust more in the processes because I have experience in the process, I can help others because I went through and didn't try to go around.